I ran my fingers through her hair, time and time again, in an attempt to calm the silent war within her mind. I could hear her silently screaming, suffocating with each breath she took holding onto her pride. I could feel her clench her fists, not knowing whether to be mad or to give up hope all together. All I could do was embrace her and let the torrent of her tears to soak through my shirt. In that sense if they were in a situation (for example) where the protagonist was the best friend, of a girl who had just been dumped, not only would you have to describe her crying but the gestures she makes as well as the gestures the protagonist makes ( Oh, and metaphors help HEAPS. I'm thinking it would be kind of easier if it was the protagonist experiencing someone else in that situation. how they are surprised that while they are sad they still enjoy the feeling of the tears running down their cheeks and the taste of salt on their lips. (Use an image that tells us more about the character or situation.) Or describe how the person seeing this feels about this or what they think: e.g. For example, instead of the tear, describe the trace it leaves on the skin: like the trace of a slug on a leaf, or like rain on a dusty pane, etc. Look at those aspects of crying that have not been described before. What you need to do, to avoid cliché, is not find uncommon events to describe, but uncommon descriptions to common events. This is not a cliché, it is a fact, and it is not rare either but a frequent occurence.Īny advice that tells you not to write about what happens frequently in real ife is bad advice.Ĭliché happens when you use an image to describe something that has been used so often to describe this that we are tired of it. And tears do roll down people's cheeks when they cry. The probem with a cliché is not what happens but how you describe it. (1) Does not include events such as Superbowl or World Series victories by the adult's favorite team. It may also help to consider how an adult is subduing a strong display of emotion, rather than trying to 'emotionalize' a subdued display. While an adult's reaction is likely to be more subdued in most cases (1), it can be helpful to use a search engine to look up images of babies and children crying (or whichever emotion you are trying to convey). Their breath stutters when they try to take a deep breath. They scrub or blow their nose so they don't end up with snot running down their face. They get a lump in their throat their voice cracks when they try to speak. When someone cries, their face gets red and blotchy, their eyes bloodshot, and their eyelids puffy, none of which are attractive. Imagine the difference between the female lead crying in a movie, as compared to someone crying in real life. Sentimentality is pretty strong emotions rarely are. Your character just 'sniffed and wiped her eyes, while trying to smile.' Is she reminicing about an old flame? Watching Beaches on her DVD while telling a friend how much she loves this movie? Did she just win an academy award and is thanking all the people who supported her? Or is she glad that someone just gave her more medication for hayfever? (If I NEVER read about how 'a single tear rolled down her face' again.)Ģ) Could this description be used to convey a different emotion or different context? If too cliched, it can even distract the reader from what you are trying to convey. If it's something you've seen a lot of, it's probably a cliche and is likely to be read as overly sentimental. There are three questions you can ask yourself when writing a scene where you intend to convey emotion:ġ) How often have I seen this phrase used? And that, in my opinion, is what makes it a good scene. He screams like he's being ripped off or murdered (again, this is the first time I see something like this). It's not your typical "Noooooo!" or "Whyyy?!". The part that removes the cliche is Cloud's scream. Cloud's friend Zack dies and gives him his sword. (I was going to explain what Final Fantasy is but then I saw your profile photo.) In fact, the main reason we read stories is to feel sentimental, to let our feelings take over. Palms to the mat, she began to cry with the force of a person vomitingĪs you can see there are tears in this passage, but the part that says "she began to cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours" (not sure about you, but I've never seen crying being described like this before) removes the cliche and instead of sentimentalism, we have a very strong image. Naoko bent forward where she sat on the floor and pressing her "Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken This is a sample of non-cliched sentimentalism: The problem with sentimentalism is not that it's sentimental.
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